This is a picture of Patrick Marker. A fellow reader of the website thought they spotted him at the river, so they got they're camera, ran up to him, stole a quick picture and ran away again as Patrick threw rocks at the person. For the safety of the photographer, they're identity will remain anonymous.

Somehow, Patrick found a bottle of cola with his name on it. We can only assume that he stole it or it was given to him as there has never been any previous evidence of him making any kind of purchase. He doesn't appear to be cooking any food so we can also safely assume that the fire is either for warmth or purely recreational. No matter what is happening here, I think it's also safe to assume that we really will never know what's going on in this odd human beings mind.

Thank you to our anonymous follower for capturing the elusive Patrick in action.

    (Patrick Marker tried his hand at watercolor)

    Lately when I pass by the field near around Ol' Petey's house, I've been noticing this skinny farmer dude staring at me. He never says anything, sometimes he'll move a little bit, but mostly he just stares at me. Sometimes birds try to land on him but then they burst into flame. Sometimes they actually explode. Once one that was flying over him turned inside out. I'm not sure what his deal is and I don't really care because if I've learned anything about minding my own business, it's that I never have to talk to weirdo's. Also, as long as I'm on the subject of weirdo's, what's the deal with regular people? If I didn;t think they were so weird, I might ask them about that. But then it would break my rule about minding my own business around weirdo's, regular people and skinny farmers. And children. Also dolphins. Thankfully I've never met a dolphin. That's really saved me from some potentially very awkward situations. Seriously, if I ever met a weirdo farming child dolphin I would probably get in a pretty serious fist fight to the death. One of us would die, and I wouldn't plan on it being me. Sometimes my plans don't really work out though. I would hope that if one of us ended up being a puddle of mixed up blood, entrails, inards, broken bones and probably vomit, that it would be the dolphin.

    I guess if dolphins ever decided to leave the water it would be much more difficult for me to be such a nice person.

    I can only hope that the little skinny farmer man isn't trying to organize a mass dolphin revolution. I'd probably have to go kamikaze.

    If I could remind myself to punch a bird in the face whenever I saw one, it would be really helpful. Especially when I go to the park since they're always hanging out there. Especially the geese. I hope those geese all get punched in the face until they die. Hiss at me, get punched in the face to death. And I've noticed now that whenever I go to the park that has the pond, the geese aren't even there anymore and all the fish mock me. As soon as I step foot on the grounds of the park, I can hear their bubbles taunt me. It's okay, because I kind of started it the turf war. In my defense though, it was almost an accident when I fell in the pond with those three full and open cans of paint thinner, I wasn't meaning to endanger most of the life in the pond, I was just trying to see what would happen if I threw them in. I absolutely didn't mean to lose my balance while throwing them and fall in at the same time.

    And since when do they call parks "pet stores" and why did they turn the pond into a room full of tanks filled with fish? I mean, I literally had to climb up into the tank to fall into it. It was ridiculous. Also, I shouldn't have to sneak my way into parks. Not until that restraining order goes through at least.

And it would be really helpful if someone would explain to me what a `restraining order" is, because other than someone saying that I couldn't go near them anymore (which, by the way is untrue. Blake really needs to learn how to get more locks on his door while he sleeps), I don't understand what it means. I kind of thought it would mean I was going to be restrained somehow, but so far I haven't felt anything like that. I wonder if they needed to know my address so they could come restrain me, because I don't remember giving that to anyone. Maybe I should find out who is supposed to come restrain me. Maybe I was supposed to restrain myself. I guess I'll do that for a while and see how I feel about it. Or maybe I'll go steal a sandwich because I'm pretty hungry.

`    Turkey club.

If ever there was a time that I had a friend, I think that it would be best if he or she would be a nice person. If they weren't nice, I don't think I would want to hang out with them very much. And if we did hang out it would have to be somewhere other than the dark alley behind the abandoned building down the street from my house because that's where the little monsters live. I think. At least that's the only place I've seen them. Well, not exactly "seen" them, but that's where they've attacked me. Well, not exactly "attacked" but that's where I can feel their presence. And when I feel their presence, I know they're thinking about attacking me. Which is exactly why it wouldn't be good to bring a friend there because what if the little monsters sneak up on me from behind and attack me and take my arms and legs off? Then if they attack my friend, I wouldn't be able to do very much. I would just have to sit and watch them take my friends' arms and legs too. At least if I had both of my arms and legs I would be able to prevnt them from taking most of my friends' limbs. They might get an arm, or a leg, or maybe 3 of the 4, but I know I'd be able to get them out of there with at least one arm or leg.

But this is exactly the reason that people should not befriend each other. No one should be going down that alley in the first place, but with a friend by their side, people do stupider things, thinking they're brave. Well, how is it not having any arms or legs now? Do you feel pretty stupid, or brave for losing them? There are people out in the world who already have those things missing, and you people with your friends think it's okay to take that for granted.

I'll tell you one thing, when I do get a friend, I'm not going to be stupid or brave. I'm just going to be me

If I were to expell a large amount of blood from my fingertips and spray it on another person's face in order to momentarily blind them to prevent them from doing something bad, would it be considered a super power? Because if it isn't, perhaps I should go to a doctor. But I don't like doctors. They remind me of those little black fluffy things that chase me in my sleep sometimes. They're not scary when they chase me though. I think they're just trying to cuddle, but I don't know what they're teeth are like. They have big ol' white eyes, but I can't see the teeth, and that's what concerns me. You never know what they're secret agenda might be. What are they up to? Do they really just want to cuddle or do they want to rip my face off? The fluff monsters? The doctors? Who know what they really want from you?

No one. No one knows.

And that is why I've decided to hang onto my superpower until I can find some adhesive medical strips,.

Patrick Marker was caught having broken into someone's house. There's not really much more to say about it, but I'll say it anyways. This is photographic evidence of that break in.

The homeowner first noticed the broken window, and then movement inside. She quickly ran back to her car where she had her polaraid camera. She needed to get inside her home in order to get to a landline (cell phones were not really widely used at the time) to call the police. She quietly unlocked and opened the front door and burst in and took a photo of her intruder. This is that photo. After Patrick had been caught, he jumped up on the kitchen table, screamed while dancing and flailing his arms wildly for just a second, then ran by her and out the open front door with the dry erase marker in hand. Nothing other than the window was broken and nothing was missing. The television was turned on and the scribbles on the whiteboard were the only things out of place.

Patrick Marker is almost as elsuive as bigfoot, but has left much more evidence of his existence behind for the world to discover.

If I had a super power it would be really cool. I`m sure of it. I don't though. In other news, I came across an interesting lady outside of a bookstore today who told me to get a job. I told her I had a job. She said something that wasn't important enough for my brain to pay attention to, for a very long time, but something my brain thought was very important was how the people behind her were having a conversation that seemed to be much more interesting than the one I was currently stuck in. I'm not a professional speecher so I wasn't sure what to do about the lady talking to me right away, but then I remembered that we had been talking for less than 2 minutes and a conversation that short doesn't require proper manners, so I walked past her and joined the conversation that was happening behind her. The two boys, Darren and Joe ages 9 and 11, were talking about Gods. Darren was saying that his teacher, Mrs. Campbell, taught them about Zeus and Joe said that he didn't care about Zeus because he was't a "pokaymawn" handler or something stupid like that. Darren said that Zeus was the coolest and he could throw lightning and that if a human tried to touch lightning they would die, and then I told Darren (who likes cats more than dogs) and Joe (who only likes his pet turtle and no other animals except for tiger mice, but those aren't real yet) that a human can touch lightning and live. I told them that other really fun story I wrote down on a little yellow piece of paper that said "post it" on it. It was a great story. Lightning hit me. It was crazy. Kids will believe anything. Like anyone could ever be hit by lightning. Now that I mention it, I don't think that story I wrote down on the yellow square was about getting hit by lightning. But that doesnt change the fact that those kids were way more interesting than that lady, and that just goes to show you that kids, although young and little, are also dumb.

Sometimes I wonder about space. Not the space around me in, like, the places I go or don't go, but outer space. The space that is the outer part of the planet. I've seen stars at night but never during the day, and that's very curious to me. What the hell are they trying to hide from? Would the sun burn them up? I mean, they're pretty little in comparison. Just tiny little sparkle-dots in the sky. I bet they're fragile, and the sun is a bit of a bully. I've felt the wrath of the bully suns bullyingness. It's gotten so hot that it's actually burned my skin, so I bet those stars are just trying to get away from melting into little sparkle-dot puddles. If they did melt, would they rain sparkles down onto earth? Wow. That would be pretty cool. Maybe I should develop a plan to help the sun melt the stars so the world can have some extra sparkle to it. Then maybe the sun will like me enough to not burn me anymore. Alternatively, maybe I should help the stars get rid of the sun, that way, we could always have the cute little sparkle-dots in the sky, and also no one would have to worry about being bullied by the sun anymore, not just me. I think that would probably be an easier way to go, after all, there's only one sun, and at least, like, 40 or 50 stars.

Note to self: find out where the sun sets so I can properly dissolve it on it's way down.

I think that if I've learned anything about anything in my life, I would like to think that I've learned a thing or two. But that's just the basics, and if I want to know anything more than the basic two, then I think I've come to the decision that I should probably learn more. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but because of all the alien monsters out there, I think it would be a smart move on my part to be more prepared in case the day comes that I need to become a survivalist. And for my future self, in case I've forgotten what a survivalist is, it's a person who knows how to survive when not everything comes handed to you for free. There may come a time when dumpsters aren't filled to the brim with perfectly good food with barely any mold on it. There may be a time when I can't just break a window and sit down on some one's comfortable carpeted floor until they come home and find me. I might need to fight off a monster alien beast or two before breaking that window. The future me must be prepared for this nonsense. No one should ever have to fend off people devouring, blood sipping monster alien beasts just to sit on some comfortable carpet. But that day may come, and it may come sooner than anyone here is prepared for it, which is another good reason to be prepared for that day. Be one step ahead of all the other chumps out there. Until that day comes though, I'll always have a lot of time to learn new things. After that time though, I won't have any time to take the time to learn. What with the skin stealing, fat feeding, intestine chewing monster alien hell beasts and all.

*Note: I found this painting in with Patrick's writings, and can only assume that it was a painting of one of the so called "alien monsters"